You know you can call me any time, she says.  You can initiate communication too.  It doesn't have to always be me saying hello first, she suggests.

Particularly this year, why do I wait for her to call me, or for her to text me, in order for conversation to happen?

Because I want to be as least threatening as possible to her life.  Because of her schedule, there isn't that much upside for her if I were to initiate contact, but plenty of downside.

She could be busy.  She could be talking to Kim.  She could be running errands.  She could be talking to Frank.  She could actually be WITH Frank.  My job, as her friend, is to not screw things up.

Don't threaten Frank with your inside knowledge of Risa.  Don't threaten Frank with the particular chemistry me and Risa have together.  Stay within your limits just a friend.

Above all, don't interfere with Risa's life.  She has to make this decision on her own.  Actively opening lines of communication tempts me to spill out my thoughts and feelings, and my inner troubles can not influence her decision.

Sinh Sinh.  The emptiness that I experienced watching them pda.  At that time, the only thing I want to communicate is how I want the situation to change, and how crappy the situation is for me, and how Risa has the power to change all that.  But I can't.  I shouldn't.  She can't feel restricted on account  of my feelings, for that wouldn't be fair.

And initiating contact runs the biggest risk of applying restrictions to her life.  So as much as it pains me, as much as it kills me on the inside, I must allow her freedom.  Having her being primarily responsible for initiating conversation ensures that.
posted by justin at 12:48 AM